Relaxed Stay (Relaxed Down) Practice Guide
The Relaxed Stay teaches your dog to lie down calmly and comfortably while life happens around her. This is not a tense, “ready to launch” obedience stay — it’s a bored and comfortable down that feels safe and predictable.
The goal of this program is not just “don’t move.” We are conditioning a specific calm state of mind, with relaxed muscles, soft eyes, and the sense that “I’m right where I should be.”
Foundation Skills
Before we add distractions, doors, grooming, or real-life challenges, we teach two essential skills: a clear release word and a calm marker word with calm, in-place delivery of food. Nearly every later problem can be traced back to these basics being fuzzy or rushed.
Release Word
Your release word (for example “free” or “all done”) means one thing: “You may get up now.”
During a Relaxed Down, your dog’s job is to stay in position until she hears that specific word. She is not guessing when the exercise is over; you tell her clearly.
- Use the same word every time.
- Say it once, in a normal, calm tone.
- After you release, it’s totally fine for her to get up, stretch, and engage with you.
The clearer the release word is, the easier it will be for your dog to relax, because she isn’t constantly wondering about whether it is time yet to get up.
Calm Marker & Calm Delivery
We use a calm word such as “good” during the stay. This marker means: “You are doing the correct thing; I will bring the reward to you.”
- Say “good” in a quiet, relaxed tone.
- After the word, move slowly and deliver the treat directly to her mouth (or gently by her elbow) while she remains in position.
- She should not move to take the reward — food comes to her.
Calm, predictable delivery helps her nervous system settle. We are rewarding “lying here and letting the world go by,” not bracing or gearing up for the next thing.
Foundation Skills Video Library
The videos below show the foundation skills in action. Most of your time should be spent here, watching how calm the trainer is, how simple the criteria are, and how clearly the dog is told when she is right and when she is done.
First steps: repeated rewards in the down, teaching the release word, and beginning the “trainer at the side” picture. When teaching the release word, understand that this is completely new to the dog. Just wait! The dog will get up eventually. React, step back, and praise as soon as they begin to move. This will confirm for them that it was okay to get up. In the early reps, while the dog is learning, it can help to say the release word in a brighter tone (as the trainer does here).
Video notes & troubleshooting tips
This is where most dogs should start. Notice how many treats are earned simply for:
- Lying down at all.
- Staying down for a beat or two.
- Remaining down while the trainer makes very small movements.
If your dog leaves the down as soon as you move: shrink your movements (shifting weight, tiny step) and increase your reward rate for just staying in the down. You can always back up to this stage.
Teaching the dog to relax while food is calmly delivered from the bowl; clear marker and release.
Video notes & troubleshooting tips
Watch how the dog waits while the trainer calmly delivers pieces of food from the bowl. The dog learns that:
- Food arrives after the calm marker word.
- The dog should not move to get the reward.
- The release word clearly ends the exercise.
- Important!: Take note of how the trainer’s food-delivery hand rests briefly in a neutral position between reps. Do not go directly from delivering the reward to the food bowl (or treat-pouch, or pocket). Practice this discipline/habit from the beginning.
If your dog surges toward the bowl: calmly cover the bowl. Wait for your dog to be back in a down (you can recue if you like, but often, just withholding the reward is enough if your value for down is strong) and then resume rewarding.
If your dog pushes forward toward your delivering hand: calmly close your fingers over the treat. Wait for your dog to be back in a down (you can recue if you like, but often, just withholding the reward is enough if your value for down is strong) and then resume rewarding.
If the dog lies downs too close to the bowl, just move the bowl further away. The bowl should always be just far enough away that the dog would need to get up to steal from it.
Shows feeding at the elbow to encourage a floppier, more relaxed position; calm delivery beside the dog.
Video notes & troubleshooting tips
Notice:
- The trainer stands beside the dog, facing the same direction.
- Treats are delivered low and by the elbow at first to invite the dog to soften and “flop.”
If your dog keeps popping into a sit or stand: try delivering the treat lower and closer to the elbow, and feed more frequently for just staying put.
If the dog is getting up because of excitement, consider lowering the value of the reward (for example, try regular kibble). If the dog is getting up because the reward is not worth eating, try something slightly more palatable, or do this training when the dog is a bit hungrier (such as right before mealtime).
Adding Structure & Distractions with the Task Lists
Once your dog understands the foundation skills — release word, calm marker, and calm delivery of food in a down — you can begin adding structure and distractions using the printed task lists. These lists give you ready-made sequences so you don’t have to invent distractions on the spot.
Aim for one session per day, lasting about 5–10 minutes. During each session, work through one distraction list while your dog remains in the down the entire time. At the end of the list, clearly release her so she knows the exercise is finished. The early lists are designed to feel easy, so she can settle instead of brace.
The goal is for the dog to simply relax while progressively more arousing stimuli occur around him. He is safe and, if he waits patiently, he will get a tasty treat.
Build a strong foundation and settle in lots of different environments, allowing him to learn about the world through calm observation. Begin the structured exercises in a quiet environment when the dog is already calm and comfortable. Later, you will practice in progressively more exciting places.
For now, all he has to do is wait patiently through the controlled distractions you provide at home. It may take a few sessions for him to settle down and really start to relax. Stick with it.
Full Task List — Video Demonstration
This video shows a complete task list being demonstrated from start to finish. You can see how the distractions are layered while the dog remains in the down.
Notice the timing of the marker, that the trainer waits to reach for the treat until after the marker, always returns to the dog to reward, and returns to the dog before releasing.
How to run one Relaxed Down session (step-by-step)
- Connect first. Say her name, feed a treat or two, and make sure she is paying attention.
- Ask for the down. Have her lie down on a comfortable, familiar surface.
- Feed in position. Say “good” calmly, then slowly bring the treat to her mouth, between her front feet (or to her elbow area if wanting to encourage rolling on her hip) while she remains down.
- Work through your distraction list. Perform each item in order while she stays in the down. The list should feel easy and predictable at this stage.
- Release and reconnect. When you finish the list, give your release word and wait for her to get up. Praise and walk together for a moment — then you’re done.
Handling Mistakes Calmly
Mistakes are expected and useful — they tell you what is still too hard. When she gets up:
- Pause and breathe. No scolding, no treats.
- Reset. Gently guide her back and ask for the down again (no reward for this reset).
- Make it easier. Repeat the same challenge/distraction at a much easier level.
- Mark early. Say “good” as soon as she chooses to stay through this easier version.
- Build back up. Gradually return to the original difficulty, ensuring that she can be successful with each approximation.
If she is truly scared or upset by something, back way down, give her a break, and return later with very easy versions of that distraction.
Relaxed vs. “Just Holding Still”
We want a dog who is not only staying, but also settling — safe, comfortable, and able to let the world happen without feeling like a coiled spring.
Signs of a Relaxed Stay
- Flops onto one hip or onto her side.
- Sinks more deeply into the floor over time, muscles relax.
- Mouth softens, opens, tongue lolls; maybe a big sigh.
- Brow unfurrows, eyes soft, blinking, looking around and sometimes checking back in with you.
- Paws loose and flat instead of braced and “ready to launch.”
Any time you notice her shifting into a more relaxed version of the down — a sigh, a hip roll, a softening of the eyes, an opening of the mouth — quietly say “good” and deliver a treat. You are reinforcing a state of mind, not just the absence of movement.
These exercises are an adaptation of the Protocols for Relaxation developed by Karen Overall, VMD, PhD, Diplomate ACVB.
“…if the dog is relaxed, its body is not stiff, the jaws hang relaxed and are not tense,
the ears are alert or cocked but not rigid, its head is held gently at an angle, and the eyes
are calm and adoring, you will be rewarding the nervous system responses that help your dog learn.”
Dr. Karen Overall, Clinical Behavioral Medicine For Small Animals, 1997
Download the Relaxed Down Practice Lists (PDF) to use during your sessions. Each column is a clear distraction sequence for a single session, so you can simply follow along and check items off.
Stay vs. Wait (Quick Note)
Sometimes we want our dogs to stay and relax, and sometimes we want them to wait and be ready. In both cases the dog is still, but the state of mind — and what happens next — is very different.
- In this program, a Relaxed Stay means: “Lie here, relax, and let the world go by. I will bring the reward to you. Nothing exciting will happen until I quietly release you.”
- A typical Wait means: “Be still for a moment. Something is about to happen — you’ll be called, you’ll step through the door with me, you’ll cross the street with me, or you’ll be released to a reward or sent to play.”
For Relaxed Stay work, we are conditioning an almost meditative state. The dog should not be thinking, “What’s next?” but rather, “I’m right where I should be.”
If you are planning to call your dog, walk her through a gate, release her to a reward, or keep her still for less than about 30 seconds, do not use her relaxed down-stay word. Instead, use a simple sit, tell her to “wait,” and then let her be active. Keep those “ready to go” waits completely separate in your own mind and in your dog’s mind. Mixing them will make it much harder for her to fully relax during this work. Don’t work on these two behaviors in the same session.
How and Where You’ll Use This Stay
Once your dog is consistently relaxed with the full practice lists, you can start improvising your own distractions and using this stay throughout daily life. There are many possible uses, and it depends on what your dog needs most.
For some dogs, this work is about simply settling in new environments. For others, it supports guest entrances, reactivity work, or grooming and handling. The core idea is always the same: your dog learns that when things happen around them, their job is to stay put, observe calmly, and let rewards come to them.
Putting this into practice in the real world is both an art and a science. The better your foundation, the more leeway you have to be less than perfect in your execution and still recover from small errors.
However, it is generally best to come back for a private lesson before fully implementing this for the situations that are most difficult for your dog. We have a great deal of experience transferring this work to the real world in a way that protects and preserves your foundation.
As you begin to use your foundation in situations that truly are potentially provocative for your dog, it is important that he be allowed to look at his environment. If he is not noticing what is going on around him, he is not really practicing the exercise as intended.
Once he has a strong foundation that “when something happens, I do nothing and the reward comes to me,” the next step is learning to look at things without feeling the need to react or get involved. He can look, but not leave.
Let him look. Say “good” right as he takes his attention away from you and orients to an environmental distraction (and before he has a chance to react). If your foundation is solid, you will be helping him think “staying thoughts” by marking at that time.
Don’t wait until he is wrong. Calmly and confidently mark early rather than waiting for failure. This timing is truly an art, so check in with us — we will help you fine-tune it.
Example: Relaxed Down for Doorways
One of the most useful ways to use this relaxation strategy is at the front door. Instead of your dog rushing, barking, or jumping on guests, we teach her that her job is to lie down and relax while you answer the door.
We do this the same way we built the basic relaxed down: by breaking the “big challenge” (a person coming in the door) into small, easy steps. First we practice you walking to the door, touching the handle, opening and closing it, and hearing knocks, all while your dog stays in her relaxed down. Later, we add real people and more exciting variations.
You can download a step-by-step doorway example here:
Download: Doorway Relaxed Down Example (PDF)
Use it as a model: it shows how to go from easy, predictable practice to real visitors, in clear, doable steps.
✔ Reward all successful steps.
When the task sheet says “return,” it means return to your dog and reward her for staying relaxed through the challenge.
↺ Reset gently after any mistake.
If she gets up or cannot maintain her stay, calmly guide her back into position and repeat the challenge at an easier level.
Build success again before moving forward.
🌱 Progress takes the time it takes.
Some dogs move quickly through these steps; others need more repetitions. Rushing only creates more failure and slows long-term progress.
Go at your dog’s pace, and protect confidence at every stage.
🔄 Not every dog will relax fully with exciting guests — and that’s okay.
The purpose of this work is to decouple doorbells, knocks, and people entering from reflexive excitement. Even if your dog never performs
a perfect relaxed down for guest arrivals, the training still helps create calmer, more controlled responses.
🛡 Management matters between sessions.
While you’re teaching “people coming through the door is no big deal,” prevent rehearsal of the old behaviors. Use gates, tethers, distance,
or holding areas so your dog doesn’t undo her own training during everyday life.
Example: Nail Trims and Other Handling
Relaxed Down is also a powerful tool for grooming and handling. Instead of wrestling over nails or struggling with basic care, we teach the dog that their job is to lie still and let us work, while rewards arrive calmly for staying put.
Early, easy touches; timing of the word “good”; clear demonstration of reward in place.
Video notes & troubleshooting tips
Handling starts with very simple, short touches that the dog can easily handle. The marker word comes while the dog is still relaxed and being touched. The marker “good” ends the touch.
If your dog gets wiggly or worried about touch: make the touches shorter and easier, and reward more often.
A finished picture: a relaxed dog staying down for nail trim using the same foundation skills. (The lip-licking is anticipation of food, not stress-licking).
A trained adult dog using the same foundation skills for multiple handling tasks beyond nails. (The whining is a jealous puppy in the background, not the working dog.)
A further progression once your dog is extremely comfortable with relaxed handling and nail work.
Example: Environmental Noise — Vacuum Cleaner
You can also use Relaxed Down to help your dog adjust to strange or noisy things in the environment. We still use the same structure: calm marker, food delivered in place, and small, manageable steps.
A puppy calmly acclimating to a vacuum cleaner using the relaxed down foundation. (This is a very baby puppy who had just started learning his relaxed down that day. So, we begin with some simple vacuum then feed to make sure he is going to be okay with it. Then we are very generous with rewards as soon as he notices the vacuum is on.)
Relaxed Down Is the Tool, Not the Final Goal
Many real-world goals don’t look anything like a down-stay. For example: “I need my dog to walk politely at the park, but he pulls toward the ducks.”
It may not seem related, but the training tool might still be practicing a relaxed down around ducks.
The relaxed down acts as a controlled training framework — a “laboratory” — where your dog learns to:
- Notice ducks without rushing toward them
- Inhibit the first impulse to chase or investigate
- Regulate arousal in the presence of exciting stimuli
- Break automatic patterns of pulling or lunging
- Observe calmly and think instead of reacting
Once he can stay relaxed while ducks move and flap nearby, those same emotional skills transfer to walking: calmer body, lower arousal, more self-control, and far less pulling.
The posture isn’t the goal. The relaxed down is where he learns the internal skills he’ll later use on leash, in motion, and in everyday life.
About generalization: Dogs learn best through variety, not intensity. Ten easy, different challenges teach far more than one extremely hard challenge. Changing small details — location, distance, angle, movement, sounds — helps your dog understand “the rule is the same everywhere,” without overwhelming him.
Build Your Own Relaxed Down Distraction Plan
Once you and your dog are comfortable with the basic task lists, you can start using the same strategy for specific real-life situations: greeting visitors, waiting calmly at the vet, relaxing in a café, staying by your side at the park, and more.
Step 1: Choose one real-life goal
Fill in this sentence for the situation you care about most right now:
I want my dog to stay calmly in a relaxed down while I:
________________________________
(for example: answer the door, unload groceries, chat with a friend, watch kids play, etc.)
Step 2: List the skills involved
Break that big picture into smaller “pieces” of the challenge. Think about:
- What your dog needs to ignore (sounds, movements, people, dogs, toys, food).
- Where your dog will be (mat, bed, by your side, across the room).
- What you will be doing (standing still, walking away, talking, handling objects).
The skills needed are:
1. ________________________________
2. ________________________________
3. ________________________________
(add more if needed)
Step 3: Start from something you already have
Don’t start with the hardest version. Start from a place where your dog can already do a relaxed down successfully.
My dog can already stay relaxed when:
________________________________
(for example: in the living room with no one moving, with me standing still beside her, etc.)
Step 4: Write 5–7 tiny steps
Now turn your idea into a mini task list, just like the ones I’ve given you. Each line should be a small, clear challenge that your dog can realistically pass.
1. ___________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________
4. ___________________________________________
5. ___________________________________________
6. ___________________________________________
7. ___________________________________________
Step 5: Adjust difficulty as you go
If your dog gets up, just reset the down and repeat the same step, but easier: quieter, farther away, shorter, slower, or less exciting. Then build back up through lighter versions until the original challenge feels easy.
Over time, you can make your list more challenging by changing:
- Distance from the distraction (how close the “exciting thing” is).
- Your distance from your dog (beside her vs. across the room).
- Duration of the distraction (1 second vs. 10 seconds).
- Intensity (quiet knock vs. loud repeated knocks; calm guest vs. excited guest).
- Duration of the whole exercise (short, frequent sessions are best at first).
Step 6: Protect your training in real life
While you are still training, try not to let your dog rehearse the old behavior in real life. Use management tools (safely contain or distract) like baby gates, leashes, crates, or tethers so that the unwanted behavior isn’t rewarded.
If you’d like help building a plan for your specific dog and situation, consider scheduling a private lesson. We can walk you through choosing distractions, setting criteria, and protecting the foundation you’ve already built.